Volume III. Fall of Rome

$30

Hark! the hour is loudly calling for the people to arise!
Put away your face filters and turn your heads up to the skies!
A weary lightning storm is brewing and the gods all yearn to strike.
Their bolts will fuel conspiracy in the people you dislike.
The permafrost is melting and your latte is erupting and
your Tinder date is asking if you go to see a psych.

Be ye not deceived, the world hath never veiled its look,
until the end of time this shit will surely hath ye shook.
Fear not these words bestowed upon you today:
the war within Rome is forever to stay.

Turn now to platforms and demigods and vibe shifts,
for the hour is upon us that this Empire will eclipse.
Feed more on screenshots and gas fees and shitposts,
indulge ye on clapbacks and live reels and ripostes.
There’s TikToks of soldiers group dancing on tanks,
the NFT market is stretching the banks,
the establishment Dems keep pulling their pranks,
oh there’s so many reasons for you to give thanks!

The Emperor is dead, long live the King!
Ye know that the next one is Marjorie Greene.
The times have gone crazy and look not the same,
but that isn’t a reason to shit on the game.

So embark on this dangerous, valiant quest:
tear down Mount Olympus and gods with their jest,
slay the hydra of clickbait and don’t let it rest,
punch a bitch in the face at the pro-cop protest!

Rebuild ye these ruins, make temples for culture.
This war will be won if we act a bit vulgar.
Your worldview is crumbling and shattered oh dear!
But the phoenix reborn is a neurodivergent nonheteronormative queer!
A bacchanal awaits you with a feast fit for a King,
and this upcoming September we’re getting
motherfucking Lord of the motherfucking Rings!